Apart from the boring compulsory reading for my part time Masters course, which I hope to complete soon, I have been reading an interesting book called “How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk”.
(Click on the image if you want to purchase the book for yourself)
It’s a pretty interesting and useful book, especially for young parents and first time parents like us, who are quite clueless on what to expect, what to do and how to react when difficult situations happen. It teaches us how to react appropriately, how to control ourselves so that we won’t say or do damaging things, and turn things in our favour. It gives us plenty of tips which are easily applicable to our every day life as parents.
I have not finished the book yet, so I cannot judge how it is overall, but so far so good. Below are some tips that I got from the book. Hope you will find them interesting and useful for you as well.
1. How to help children deal with their bad feelings
– Listen with full attention
– Acknowledge their feelings with a word: “Oh”, “Mmm”, “I see”
– Give their feelings a name (but try not to repeat what they say exactly)
– Give them their wishes in fantasy
2. How to engage children’s cooperation
– Describe. Describe what you see or describe the problem
– Give information (but try not to give information that the kid already knows)
– Talk about your feelings
– Write a note
3. Alternatives to punishment
– Punishment should be avoided, it does not solve any problem, it only create new problems
– Instead of punishment, you should:
+ Point out a way for the child to be helpful
+ Express strong disapproval (Start the sentence with “I”, not “You”
+ State your expectations
+ Show the child how to make amends
+ Offer a choice
+ Take action (but not violence, more like remove or restraint)
+ Let the child experience the consequences of his misbehaviour (but not the beating)
+ Solve the problem together with the child
* Talk about the child’s feelings and needs
* Talk about your feelings and needs
* Brainstorm together to find a mutually agreeable solution(s)
* Write down all ideas without evaluating (don’t criticise or shoot down ideas, and do not judge any idea)
* Decide what suggestions you like, which you don’t like, and which you plan to follow through on
Again, if you want to purchase the book to explore it yourself, just click the image below.